his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
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