Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
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