oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
Randomize
