Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
Randomize
