wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
Randomize
