update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize
