Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
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