I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
Randomize
