I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
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