I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
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