Whoa Z and x make the same sound
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
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