White coat. Heels.
"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
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