just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
i think im in europe. pls send help
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
Randomize
