I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
Randomize
