We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
Randomize
