i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
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