I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
Randomize
