the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
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