thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
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He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
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Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
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