Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
Randomize
