I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
Randomize
