Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
Randomize