The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
Randomize
