I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
Randomize