no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
Randomize
