He disabled his match.com account in front of me
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
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