You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
Randomize
