All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
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