you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
Randomize
