the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
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