i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
