Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
Randomize
