That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Randomize
