Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
My liver is preforming stress tests.
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
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