haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
I yelled at your uterus for you.
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
Randomize
