This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
Randomize
