you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
Randomize
