I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
Randomize
