Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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