Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
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