Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
Randomize
