Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
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She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
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Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
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