ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
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