ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
Randomize
