I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Randomize