If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
