Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
Randomize
