I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize
