he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
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