In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
Randomize
