The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
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