I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Randomize
