I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
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