I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
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