still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Randomize
