Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
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