Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
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