Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
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