At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
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