I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
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