I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
Randomize
