I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
My penis needs a shock collar
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
Randomize
