Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(512): View more from Texas

I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.

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(512): I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck. http://tfl.nu/pefb

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(651): View more from Minnesota

Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.

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(651): Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad. http://tfl.nu/pphf

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(207): View more from Maine

can u get pink eye on your cock?

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(207): can u get pink eye on your cock? http://tfl.nu/aw6r

Replies (19) Good night (537) Bad night (5439) Order T-Shirt
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(302): View more from Delaware

Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"

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(302): Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?" http://tfl.nu/v4rw

Replies (27) Good night (6452) Bad night (1993) Order T-Shirt
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(215): View more from Pennsylvania

you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.

(215): View more from Pennsylvania

we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.

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(215): you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'. (215): we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk. http://tfl.nu/6wc5

Replies (27) Good night (6564) Bad night (689)
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(678): View more from Georgia

He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?

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(678): He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa? http://tfl.nu/j68l

Replies (7) Good night (3478) Bad night (732) Order T-Shirt
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(484): View more from Pennsylvania

the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.

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(484): the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished. http://tfl.nu/p2b9

Replies (7) Good night (5272) Bad night (848) Order T-Shirt
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(608): View more from Wisconsin

I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.

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(608): I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus. http://tfl.nu/i1nm

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(256): View more from Alabama

Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.

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(256): Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby. http://tfl.nu/s0x6

Replies (9) Good night (1808) Bad night (589) Order T-Shirt
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(512): View more from Texas

Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.

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(512): Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person. http://tfl.nu/kj3e

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(585): View more from New York

You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.

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(585): You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you. http://tfl.nu/gcz1

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(505): View more from New Mexico

He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.

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(505): He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink. http://tfl.nu/5ult

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(336): View more from North Carolina

I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"

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(336): I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body" http://tfl.nu/dnkv

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(636): View more from Missouri

Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.

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(636): Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present. http://tfl.nu/1iee

Replies (9) Good night (2311) Bad night (283)
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(302): View more from Delaware

Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.

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(302): Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird. http://tfl.nu/awda

Replies (1) Good night (539) Bad night (174) Order T-Shirt

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