this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
Randomize
