she woke up with a sticky ear
Who did Billy Mays play for?
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
Randomize
