Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
Randomize
