Don't you send me to vm
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
Randomize
