We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
Randomize
