how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
Randomize
