He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
Randomize
